Always to Manage
by Kingdoms Memories
Summary: It was a pitiful existence. An existence I knew I didn’t deserve. I had trusted and loved her...she just didn't love me back. Have you ever wondered how Reno got his marks? Oneshot. Rated for abuse


**A Fan-Fic by: Kingdoms Memories**

**Dislaimer: I don't own Reno, or any FF 7 characters.**

**AN: I would like to apologize in advance to any readers who do not find angst fics very humorous…..I feel sorry for you that is the case. If not, sit back and try to enjoy this very, very depressing story about child abuse.**

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When people hurt you, do you ever feel helpless? So helpless, that no matter what you do or say to try and make them stop, they won't.

Have you ever been hit by someone you trusted? Having been in a couple fights myself I can honestly say, it hurts so much more when someone you love and trust bruises your body.

I trusted her…

I trusted my mom. I trusted _and_ loved her. She loved me too at one point, but that changed when I turned nine…

Most would think a nine year old is too young to be caring for himself, but after caring for one broken arm and countless cuts and bruises, I think a nine year old doesn't seem so young anymore. She did everything to me, none have left permanent marks yet, however, after one of our fights I wasn't so sure if these new cuts wouldn't leave scars. She'd gotten me pretty hard with the flower vase, leaving two deep slashes on my cheekbones. I hadn't even felt the blow to the face until the glass broke, leaving tiny pieces of it embedded in my face.

I don't really know why she is the way she is…I remember a time when we were all happy…Mom and me, and Daddy too.

Daddy loved me, he loved us both…but he isn't here anymore.

_He _left me.

Maybe…maybe I'm defective. Maybe there was always something wrong with me, and mom tried her best to put up with it. But now…now she's broken.

Broken, because she cries alone at night in her room. I'm not allowed to ask her any questions…but I don't need to, I already know why she's crying.

After daddy died she cried too, but she got better and even started smiling again. That was before she found out about my secret.

It's my fault daddy died.

When I was seven daddy and I were paying hide and seek. It was my turn to hide and his to find and tag me. I'd found the perfect hiding place out on the roof of our 2 story home. Going through the window in my bedroom, I easily climbed to the highest point on the roof. However, this was my usual hiding spot, so daddy knew where to look.

As daddy climbed out the window his foot slipped and his body fell 2 stories to the cold cement below. I remember watching as his smile turned to that of horror as his face disappeared from my view over the ledge.

I'd screamed, I'd screamed so loud that it hurt. So loud I hoped God would hear me and wake me from this nightmare…but he didn't.

The only person I've ever told was mommy, everyone else thinks it was suicide.

Mommy was in shock when I told her, she'd just come to grips with daddy being gone…to find your child, your own flesh and blood, the one you'd cry with just to stop the pain, had been the reason for his death must have been hard. Before I'd told her I expected her to forgive me, telling me it was an accident…well, she couldn't.

I had turned from Mommy's comfort object in her times of need, to the enemy.

An enemy she was forced to live with…so I guess, since she couldn't get rid of me there was no reason for her to like me. I was just an inconvenience.

_She_ left me.

Mommy started drinking…a lot. So much that I thought at sometimes, she couldn't be my mother. Not with the way she acted. This person didn't act like her, sound like her, or think like her. The mother I knew would _never_ hurt me.

_Never_

_But, _I'd told myself, _she is your mother…_That was the point I'd realized that I had truly lost her, that the person in my memories would never come back…In a sense, she'd died…in a metaphorical way of course…but the old mother was gone and never coming back.

It's fault mommy died.

In a way, I'd become an Orphan…loosing both my parents.

For years after I lived a hollow existence…one with no meaning. During the day I'd go to school where my piers would pick on me mainly because of my tattered clothes. During the night I hid from her in my room, sometimes she would come home drunk, and then if she saw me there would be hell to pay.

It was a pitiful existence. An existence I _knew_ I didn't deserve. Father had slipped, that was an accident. I'd had no way to try and break his fall. It didn't matter, now it couldn't be reversed. Knowing this, believing this, was all that kept me sane.

Still, this idea was not enough to keep Mommy sane. I figured I would never be free. I would be alone and friendless forever…that was to be my existence. I was supposed to die that way but it didn't happen that way. The day I was asked to join Shin-ra my life did a complete 360. Things got better…a lot better.

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"Reno?"Elena's blonde hair fell over her shoulder as she tilted her head to the side. Her eyes held sadness and concern for her red headed friend. Scooting closer to his hunched figure she wrapped her arms around his form enveloping him in a hug. "I had no idea…" 

Releasing a heavy sigh Reno sat up wiping away his tears. "No one knew except for the boss."

"Are you gonna be okay?" Her voice sounded so soothing. That was just her personality, deep down she cared deeply for those she considered friends, Reno considered himself very lucky.

"Yea…I'll manage." His green orbs looked down to the carpet as his fingers absentmindedly traced the scars on his face. "I always have."


End file.
